Jun
15

LOGO - Coaching CognitionThe Coaching Mindset allows you to approach life with a new confidence, not only in yourself and your abilities, but also in those around you!  During your training, you were in a group of your peers, talking specifically about the power of coaching and how it affects your own relationships, so it was always freshly on your mind.

We have heard many of you say that you now view your lives in a new and more positive way.  This is a mindset worth holding on to!  You may have every intention of going on with your lives, seeing your world with your new eyes, and we encourage it!

With the absence of the weekly training calls, what can you do to keep yourself constantly aware of your mindset?  If it is no longer freshly on your mind, you might forget to access those strengths and use them to increase the quality of your own life.

Let’s relate this to scented plug-in air fresheners.  That’s right.  Air fresheners.  People have used scented plug-ins for years to freshen up their homes.  When you first get a scented plug-in, the smell is both strong and new.  You breathe in the soothing scent and exhale with a smile.  It is relaxing… refreshing!

For the first week, you look at the plug-in and smile again, noticing and inhaling the fragrance.  But after a while, even a plug-in that is constantly giving off active levels of scented freshness can lose your attention.  It does not mean you love the smell of vanilla any less.  It simply means that the wonderful new edition to your household has left your awareness.  When this happens, the innate benefits of your plug-in are lost.

One company noticed that this problem not only leads people to forget about their current plug-in, but it also means that the product leaves their mind so completely that they don’t think about purchasing a replacement cartridge when the time comes.  So they developed a plug-in that uses a rotating scent cycle so that each time a new scent is emitted, the person notices and can enjoy it.

They found a way to bring the scent into the customer’s awareness so that they can enjoy the product on a long-term basis.

Your Coaching Mind-scent… I mean… Mindset… is the new and wonderful part of your life.  In fact, it lets you see your life in a completely new way.  But just like a scented plug-in, if you set it aside and let it become an unnoticeable part of your life, you may forget to ‘refresh’ yourself and your relationships.

So how can you find a ‘rotating scent cycle’ to keep your new Coaching Mindset within your awareness?

Of course, by becoming a coach, you will constantly be involved in the coaching process through your clients.  Staying involved in the community is another great way to keep your mindset within your immediate awareness because the community is populated with like-minded individuals.

But what other ‘fragrances’ can you add to the ‘rotation’?  Maintaining the Coaching Mindset in your personal and professional lives will help you solidify your newfound strengths and perspectives.

Here are a few ways to expand your coaching skills to your life outside of coaching that will not only strengthen your relationships, but will keep the Coaching Mindset in your awareness through practice.  These exercises can be applied with your friends, family, co-workers, customers, online acquaintances, and even perfect strangers.

PRACTICE ASKING QUESTIONS:

Ask someone about their day, and then continue to ask questions until you get a story!  Even if the story is about how they dropped their toothbrush in the sink, it is okay because it is a story.  Watch how their facial expressions change the more you focus the conversation on them.

People are not used to this.  In fact, you may sense some discomfort at first.  You may get a series of short answers before they finally realize that you are actually interested in what they have to say.  When they finally tell a story, what kind of nonverbal communication do they exhibit?

If your job involves working directly with customers, either in person or on the phone, try asking each of your customers at least 5 questions to help them find what they are looking for.  By asking 5 questions, you are forcing yourself to come up with creative questions that you may not have otherwise thought to ask.

OBSERVE YOUR PEERS:

Make 3 observations about someone with whom you are in a conversation, then tell them your observations as you notice them, and then ask them a question about it.  For example, “You smiled when you talk about that, does it make you happy?” or “You keep looking at the kitchen, are you hungry?”

The next time you walk into a store and are greeted by a friendly clerk, make a positive observation about that clerk.  They will be a stranger to you, but tell them what you observe.  “I notice that when you talk about this product, your face lights up.  Do you own one, too?” or “Well, look at that smile and energy!  I feel right at home.  Do you enjoy your job?”

PROBLEM SOLVING:

This one does not have to involve a major problem or crisis.  It can be as simple as helping someone decide where to go to dinner.  Use your powerful questions to help them make a decision.  “What are you in the mood for?  Do you want something different than normal?  How much do you want to spend?  What kind of atmosphere are you looking for?  Where else have you been recently?”

ACTIVE LISTENING:

When someone starts talking to you, make the decision to focus the conversation on that person.  Become a mirror to their thoughts, words, and emotions.  Practice blocking out all other distractions.  Turn your cell phone on silent and put it away.  Let them know through your words and actions that you are in the moment with this person, and that this moment is all about them.  As they talk, ask them more questions about what they are saying so that you get all possible meanings from their words.  Observe how they react to this.  Do they feel more comfortable and talk more?

CREATE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT:

Many people will feel more comfortable with you when you physically mirror someone’s nonverbal cues.  Do not ‘mimic’ them, but match their basic cues.  For instance, if the person is sitting back in a relaxed position, then be relaxed yourself.  If they are sitting forward, sit forward as well.  If the conversation is upbeat and they are smiling, smile back at them.

Sometimes people apologize for ‘babbling’, but take that as a compliment!  If they felt comfortable enough to ‘babble’, it means they felt completely safe and were no longer aware of ‘what you might think of them’.  This is a sign of trust.  If they actually apologize, it means that they are suddenly aware that they might be ‘wasting your time’.  Try answering their apology with a question about something they were saying.  This might remind them that they are, in fact, in a safe environment.

WHAT ELSE CAN YOU THINK OF?

What other ways can you come up with to practice your coaching skills and mindset in your everyday life?

Post your responses here or on the Coaching Cognition Facebook Page.  We know you will have some great ideas!

9 Comments »

  1. Excellent exercise Kendall. Thank you so much for the tip. Have a great day.

    Comment by Elizabeth Pennington — June 16, 2010 @ 11:29 am

  2. I am lucky that I can practice my coaching everyday – I have a 17 year old daughter. Not only am I teaching and coaching her to drive, but I am (unknown to her) coaching her on life skills too. Plus I have a friend who has just gone thru a messy marital break-up and is trying to get on her feet and create her own business – again another great way for me to practice my coaching skills with lots of active listening and asking powerful questions.
    I am so grateful that I perservered with the Coaching Cognition course and to have met so many new genuine people through this life-changing experience.

    Comment by Helen Wenley — June 16, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

  3. Hey Kendall, Great Post! And oh so True! You know, I have never had the “Gift of Gab” in many social settings. I’ve never been the “life of the party” (I’m one of those techno-geeks who can spend hours with my nose in technical manuals and be happy as a lark. Or stand in front of thousands of people and give a professional technical presentation without even a hint of “butterflies.” I can write technical papers that flow marvelously, or write white papers on the latest technological advances that even management types can understand and enjoy, but that’s a whole other story).
    Once I began the Coaching Cognition course, that all seemed to change for me. And now that I have graduated the basic course, I find myself actively listening to coworkers, managers, customers, and people in my social circles. Not because I’m consciously doing it, I’m not. It seems to have become second-nature to me. I have found that my professional and social relationships have improved immensely! It’s simply amazing! I am using more direct, powerful questioning techniques while doing research for projects and programs. The reactions and responses I get from people are completely different than they used to be. I sense they understand my true interest and concern in them and their jobs. They really open up and share their knowledge and emotions more freely than ever before.
    I could go on & on about the improvements I’ve seen in myself in communicating and relating to & with other people. The results are beyond anything I expected!
    But, I must say, the most amazing result of attending Coaching Cognition and learning coaching skills is my new ability to coach someone in an area of their life or business they want to improve. Watching them respond to the powerful questions, find their true values and vision, setting their goals, and guiding them toward an action plan that can really make a difference for them. Helping people through this process and watching them succeed is the greatest reward of all!

    Comment by Jack Conley — June 16, 2010 @ 8:10 pm

  4. Like mother like daughter Kendall. Your post is so in place, I loved every word of it. As I wrote your Mom yesterday, handing in my student log, I am looking forward to the next step, enjoying my peers and the safe haven I find there.
    Never the less, I like to share this: I seem to have mastered the listening ability; being able to put aside thoughts of how I should answer, the erg to complete others sentences, guessing what they meant etc. A fault I was aware of and am glad to correct now. In other words, I do master active listening. Now I have to practice active questions.

    Comment by Amnon Thaller — June 17, 2010 @ 2:54 am

  5. Kendall,

    As Elizabeth said…excellent in my opinion: the whole focus on staying active in the art of caring for others while continuing in your own self development quest.

    One thought that did come to mind was recording short “takeaways” in a journal as you practice. In my way of thinking those might be not all of insights, but short ones you decide to remember for one reason or another.

    Thanks again. I’ve copied this to keep and review.

    Comment by Lee Wise — June 17, 2010 @ 5:56 am

  6. @Elizabeth – Thank you for such a nice comment! I hope that these exercise ideas help you apply your skills to your life outside of CC as well as within, and that they inspire other ideas, too.

    @Helen – Your daughter and friend are lucky to have you. Not only are you equipped with the skills to help them in a constructive way, but you have the inner ability and confidence to use your skills with them! What a great example of the coaching process at work :)

    @Jack- Wow! It is truly inspiring to read about your journey with CC. When we started, we knew that the coaching process would increase quality of life for our students and clients because we trust in this process! But it is an entirely different story to watch it actually happen for real people. And the best part is, look at all the lives you have touched with your ability to listen and ask questions. Absolutely amazing!!! Thank you so much for sharing this, Jack.

    @Amnon- It takes a truly perceptive person to recognize where you are at the moment, what your strengths are, and where you are ready to begin improving. Hmmm… sounds like the coaching process. :) You will be a great coach, after all, when you can recognize these things for yourself, you will be in a great place to help someone else do the same!

    @Lee – What a great idea! This would be a wonderful way to organize your thoughts about the ways that people react to you and the experience of having someone focus completely on them! You can learn so much more by writing it down to refer to later on… what worked? what didn’t? etc.. Thank you Lee!

    Comment by CoachingCognition — June 17, 2010 @ 10:07 am

  7. After reading your article, Kendall, I continued to reflect on what you had said and wrote down then printed out the following for myself to reflect and act on.

    Enjoy!

    Lee

    Questions Prompt Actions. Six Questions To Consider

    How can I capitalize on the value of story today? Could I ask others to share their story in any creative way?

    How can I continue to use and refine the art of asking questions today?

    How can I increase my “observe people skills” today?

    How can I continue to develop the “people helping” habit through attentive, caring efforts at problem solving or giving assistance today?

    How can I practice active listening and being in the moment today?

    How can I create safe environments for people today?

    Comment by Lee Wise — June 18, 2010 @ 10:54 am

  8. Thank you, Kendall

    I love your Air freshner analogy.

    Keeping a new skill fresh is a good thing to aim for.

    Much appreciated.

    Looking forward to your next post.

    Love and Light
    from
    Yorinda

    Comment by Yorinda Wanner — June 26, 2010 @ 8:32 pm

  9. wow this was great and I learned alot just from this one post. I have been thinking about incorporating coaching into my business and after reading this I feel good about it :)

    Comment by Emily Giuffre — August 13, 2010 @ 10:12 pm

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